The best way to point out someone's shortcomings: with a sandwich.

As the title of this article says, the best way to launch (constructive) criticism is to use the sandwich system of praise. It is undoubtedly a metaphor, but its meaning is very visual. If you use praise as a parenthesis to communicate a criticism, you will find it easier to communicate what you need to say without wreaking havoc.

Not everyone likes to hear the truth and there are many ways to say things. Dale Carnegie explained it very simply in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People: “it is always easier to hear unpleasant things after having heard some praise”.

But, no, don’t think that any praise is good enough or that you can deliver it in any way. You must learn to sincerely communicate your empathy and understanding, because your compliments must be true. Otherwise, the other person may sense it and, supported by your gestural language, will think that you have used facile praise to deliver a point-blank criticism. Gale warned that: “indirectly drawing attention to mistakes works wonders on sensitive people who may resent direct criticism”.

So what can you do? Sincerity. Analyze the situation and don’t just focus on the negative. Widen your gaze and observe what that person does well. Their goodness at work is your gateway to having a relaxed chat with them. Be natural and realistic in your communication, don’t be afraid to reward him with words for a job well done. You will know when the time has come to introduce your criticism and, when you do, try to use words wisely.

Carnegie said that “the mere change of a small word can mean the difference between success and failure in changing a person without offending him or creating resentment. It may seem exaggerated to you, but think about this, how many times have you felt insecure when hearing a but after a congratulations? Remember the feeling? Your interlocutor feels the same way, so go ahead and state your criticism in positive language.

Don’t use ‘but’, use ‘and‘.

(and) I know you can improve; (and) I understand that you are working hard; (and) you have a short time to adapt; (and)….

Sometimes, it is not even necessary to have a complex conversation. A small gift accompanied by a reminder of the rules or attributing a job well done to someone who has not worked, can be the spring that awakens the conscience of those who do not give their all in the team. Don’t intimidate, approach her and tell her what to say without damaging her self-esteem. You will solve the problem and notice that it becomes more efficient the next morning. Knowing how to say things is the secret of successful communication.

You must set guidelines, define your preferences and your goals, know the needs of your interlocutor and choose an optimal communication strategy to reach him in a logical way and convince him. In the end, it all depends on your ability to conduct the “negotiation”.

Arguing with your customer or your co-worker is not going to benefit you. Do not try to impose your criteria, it will provoke distrust and frustration in the other person, which will lead you to lose the opportunity to close a good deal. Avoid starting your talk by highlighting the points on which you disagree and start the conversation with a logical thought that makes your interlocutor affirm everything you say.

In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie stated that “when a person has said No, all the pride in his personality demands that he be consistent with himself.” It is a natural and human reaction that we are viscerally unable to defeat.

It seems incredible that two letters can mean so much, but they do. Once the NO is presented, the person’s interest wanes, they mark their emotional withdrawal and become defensive. A very unfavorable attitude for sales. Carnegie already warned us about this when he explained that when saying NO, “the whole organism -glandular, nervous, muscular- unites in a state of rejection”, therefore, “the whole neuromuscular system, in short, is put on guard against acceptance”.

How can you resolve this situation? Prepare your strategy well and start the conversation in a positive way. Start your talk by highlighting the points that unite you and give him time to react affirmatively. A “yes, yes” can make all the difference in your negotiation.

Continue to state their needs with indisputable arguments and offer them logical solutions so that they have no choice but to agree. The “yes, yes” technique continues. Eventually, on their own, the person will step forward and end up accepting your proposal. If you play your cards right, he may even hire some other service that you hadn’t initially budgeted for.

For example, the concepts of good and evil. Who dictates what is right? Who decides where the limit of impropriety begins? In the professional field, “error” has been considered for decades as a reason for unconstructive criticism. To this day, the demonization of the term still continues and there are those who think that what makes us human makes us less efficient. Are they right? Of course not! The “mistake”, well considered, is a new opportunity to grow and continue to evolve.

So, what do we do with all those people who do not know how to value the opportunities provided by error? Quite simply, learn to dialogue with them in order to direct their behavior towards a more effective understanding. How are we going to achieve this? With an unabashed, open and unexpected self-criticism.

Why defend what others do not believe in? Or, worse, why defend what you already know is indefensible? Whether you are right or wrong, admit the mistake calmly and confidently before your interlocutor gets carried away by uncontrollable emotions. The impact will be so considerable that you will leave him unarmed. Don’t duck your head, normalize your argument and position yourself. Sincerity and naturalness will be your control weapons.

It is perfect to quote Dale Carnegie and his behavioral business bible, How to Win Friends and Influence People . In it, he asserted that: “any fool can try to defend his mistakes – and almost all fools do”. Where does such impulsive action lead us? To show our insecurities, to reveal our ego, and inevitably, to dispute, the biggest setback in good communication. Do you want to turn the tables and solve that mistake to the benefit of both you and your work group?

Try changing tactics and be more practical. Think more and put impulses aside. Do as Carnegie advised, criticize yourself, pronounce out loud everything the other person seems to be thinking about you and ACKNOWLEDGE “the mistake” in a resolute spirit. Verbalizing it in the first place will give you the opportunity to take away your interlocutor’s reason before you open your mouth. Moreover, it will affect your speech so much that you will react empathetically, trying to avoid being too harsh. Your personal self-criticism will awaken their understanding, which will allow you to earn their respect and, who knows, maybe even recognition for your work.

The important thing is that there is understanding. There is no time for reproaches, miscommunication is an unnecessary burden for a forward-looking company.